On Vulnerability & Warfare

 

Spiritual warfare. We're gonna get vulnerable here.

Ever feel like each day is some kind of battle? From the time your eyes open until you can finally close them again, and surrender to the hopeful peace of sleep - you are fighting against ... something. At the blissful end of such a day you don't know what you were fighting, you can't recall how it all started, and you just want it to disappear into the mist of a dreamless rest.

I've had more than a bevy of these days over the past few years. And in my own reflections, meditations, and prayers I've determined that at the bedrock of these kinds of days is warfare.

Yes - warfare. For my spirit. Sometimes it feels like a battle for my very soul. 

Satan steps into the breach of these kinds of moments and tries to wrest control away from me. He sneaks in like colorless smoke and captures me in his web of lies and condemnations.

Sometimes he comes in the form of gossip in the news. Sometimes it is some kind of sadistic abuser masquerading as a comforter who distracts me from my faith. Other times it is self-doubt - the worst kind, born of abuse from my parents and read back to me in the darkest of dark thoughts.

No matter how he comes, Satan is a slick, oily salesman who wends his way into my life and works his own deviant magic on me to call me away from what I know to be true and right.

Righteous even.

There are two words in this that shed a bright light onto how this happens:

• Surrender
• Control

These 2 words effectively cancel each other out, don't they.

Leaving no room for an effective plan. No room for God. And therein lies the problem.

Satan cancels out God. If you let him. And those days I've had of spiritual warfare, Satan sometimes comes close to being the victor.

He came extremely close just once - many years ago. I brought in the help of several people to get him away from me. It took an enormous leap of - faith - to overcome his hold over me.

And nowadays when I feel Satan closing in on me - I turn to God as swiftly as I feel the hot breath on my face. 

That breath is nasty. Just nasty.

I am so thankful for my faith, for God's healing & enduring love, for God's forgiveness always - especially on those spiritual warfare days. When Satan's temptation gets under my skin and tries to make a home there.

Satan only has one home and that is behind me. With God in front of me leading me, as ever, to safety & protection.

It is a daily act of faith to give control of the day to God. On some days, I have to give control to God every few minutes.

And when I do that - humble myself and tell God I truly need his protection & love - he is steadfast as always. And my anxiety and fear fades away.

Saturday Symphony

Stars. The cosmos.

They have always fascinated me since I was a little girl. Gazing into the dark heavens, identifying the constellations, the chance view of a shooting star, the full moon. Such things are the sight of my dreams in 3D.

Even now I gaze heavenward every clear night. And with modern technology I have apps that will tell me what stars I'm seeing, which planet is visible, even where the Milky Way is during the summer of the northern hemisphere.

As a human being, I am humbled by these vistas. No matter where I am or what I'm doing, the stars are always there - an epic expanse of limitless imaginings.

As a Christian, I am humbled knowing that my God created that vastness. His hand is there every night showing us his majesty thru the twinkling of light that is ageless.

I return once again to one of my favorite Christian rock bands - Skillet. Their normal hard-driving sound thrums thru my very soul almost burning me with their energy & strength.

Then they write and perform a gem like this one - Stars. 

The deepest depths, the darkest nights
Can't separate, can't keep me from Your sight
I get so lost, forget my way
But still You love and You don't forget my name

Written for the movie - The Shack - which is based on a book written by William Paul Young about a man's experiences after the horrible kidnapping & death of his daughter. Falling into a pit of despair, the man receives a note from God, who calls him to the very location where his daughter was murdered. The man's faith is wobbly, to say the least, and his time with The Trinity - God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit - help him come to terms with his devastating loss. The depiction of these three pillars of Christianity is modern and somehow very real.

Anyway - Stars is one of those songs that digs deep into my heart. Once again it reminds us that God is always there - even when we fall into the pit and can't find our way out. If we turn to God - he will give us the light we need and the helping hand to lift us up.

If You can hold the stars in place
You can hold my heart the same
Whenever I fall away
Whenever I start to break
So here I am, lifting up my heart

Think of it - God's mighty hands holding up each star. The infinite numbers of those pretty twinkling lights held in place by a being who is so vast he knows no space or time.

God just - is.

Lift up your hearts my friends. God will be there to hold you in place. 

Sunday Symphony

Shakespeare told us in Twelfth Night: 

If music be the food of love, play on;
Give me excess of it, that surfeiting,
The appetite may sicken, and so die.

Music is life to me. I've always got some tune or other playing on some device in the house. While silence is its own meditation, to me music gives me the space to breathe, to allow the world to resonate, giving me time & energy to take it all in. It soothes me, makes me think, or takes me away to distant memories. Thy Will Be done by Hillary Scott & Family - been listening to this song since it was first released 7 years ago. And it always makes me stop whatever I'm doing - and listen to the words. The soaring melody. The desperation of someone trying to make sense of the world around them, where they exist in moments that take their breath away in shock & pain. It's hard to count it all joy Distracted by the noise Just trying to make sense Of all your promises Sometimes I gotta stop Remember that you're God And I am not This song got me thru some rough times. Those moments when I think I'm totally alone, that no one sees or hears me, that everything is up to me and I can't stand up under the weight of the burdens I carry. ===> I carry. Ego - makes us think we can do it all, have it all, handle it all. We all come into the world with that annoying item fully intact. Ego. And it leads us down paths and into situations we don't need to participate in. But our ego - our free will - doesn't let go easily. And we need to let go. The desperation I hear in Thy Will Be Done is from someone who needs to let go - and can't find their way to do it. And yet, when they finally do let go... Thy will be done Like a child on my knees all that comes to me is Thy will be done I've been there. We all have. Those moments when we feel like our heart might break into a million pieces, or our very soul might shatter at the next noise or breath, or our bodies are going to collapse under the weight of what we believe we carry alone. If only we could just - turn around and see behind us: I know you see me I know you hear me, Lord God is there. Always. In our darkest moments - when we feel we are being torn apart - he is there. Just waiting for us to turn around.  It's even in the Bible... The Lord looks from heaven; He sees all the sons of men. From the place of His dwelling, He looks on all the inhabitants of the earth; He fashions their hearts individually; He considers all their works Bible verse from Bible Gateway.

On Being Fearless

It seems a bit hyperbolic to use the term "fear" or "fearless" these days when talking about how we approach our lives.

When I think of fearless people, my mind turns to our military, firefighters, police officers. Not someone like me who is just trying to navigate a complex world.

However if we turn to what it meant to be fearless in Biblical times - especially Old Testament times - we find that SIN was the number one thing people feared. Proverbs 28:1 tells us this:

The wicked flee though no one pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion.

Meaning having a guilty conscience, due to sin, makes the wicked turn tail - and run.

So...does being fearless, in the faith-based sense, mean we should disregard being sinful?

No.

I believe it means that we should know - really KNOW - that God is with us always. That his forgiveness is given before we ask for it.

And that is really what we need to do - freely repent without fear of condemnation from God. 

For God loves us and never leaves our side. It is faith that allows me to believe this is true, even when I don't feel like anyone is by my side. It gives me great comfort to pray to God - the unseen Father - even in those times when I feel like no one is listening and no one cares. 

God cares - all the time. And in those times when he doesn't answer my prayers in the way I want - I have to believe he didn't because what I wanted wasn't right for me. No matter how it feels to me in the moment.

Which is, for us mere mortals, the hardest part of all. Acknowledging that God is in control, not us. No matter how much our own precious little egos believe we ARE in control.

To me it is the biggest leap of faith to accept this. And I have to re-believe every day. Always.

It is the very least I can do for a God who loves me in the moment, who accepts me for who I am in the present without ever holding the past against me.

The Book of Joshua, Chapter 1, is the origin of the quote above. The entire book of Joshua deals with what happens after Moses dies. In Chapter 1, it is God's promise continuing to be fulfilled - to deliver the Israelites to their Promised Land - even though his first leader has passed away. Joshua is given the task to keep the Israelites moving to the lands outlined in verse 4:

Your territory will extend from the desert to Lebanon, and from the great river, the Euphrates—all the Hittite country—to the Mediterranean Sea in the west. 

Note: all biblical verses are copied directly from Bible Gateway.

New Year | New. Year.

New Year.

New. Year.

See the difference? Yes, punctuation matters.

And in this case - I mean both.

New Year - another year is about to come to a close and we turn the page of a calendar to another number (one, hopefully, we remember when we write the date). 

New. Year. - a simple "dot" can change this from the turn of a calendar page to the turning over of a leaf in our lives.

Turn the calendar page and turn a leaf. It's not too much for us. 

Because God has us - always.

I will start the New Year in hope & gratitude. I will start my New. Year. with a renewed focus on this blog, and spreading God's word as far as I can find ways to do so.

Amen.

Sunday Prayer 4

Praying daily gives me a sense of peace, even if only in the moment of prayer. God's love and compassion is larger than any giants we might face, and he is with us every step of our day. Everyday.

I like to vary my prayers based on my emotions in the moment. Sometimes they are quite specific, sometimes they are for others, and other times I need a general prayer of gratitude to God. This one fits that bill for me. 

God, you are the foundation upon which I build my life. You are my source of protection & strength. You fight for me, lead me, and protect me thru hard times. With you I am never alone or abandoned. Thank you for being my source of strength & salvation. Thank you for crushing the devil's schemes and bringing me closer to you.

In Jesus' Name, Amen

"...never alone or abandoned..."

Some of the most important words I carry in my heart & soul every moment of every day. 

Knowing this - the firm belief that it is so - has gotten me thru some of the hardest times that a life can bring.

The constancy of God is wondrous. He only wants what is good and loving for us. God is steadfast. God is Everlasting. 

God is all.

Saturday Symphony

Aggressive. Edgy.

This past week has left me feeling this way. Just an exhausting parade of work overload, personal challenges, and winter blahs.

And at the heart of it all - as ever - is the love of God. Always there to pick me up and lead me back to the straight and narrow path that brings me to Him.

Everyday when I wake
I'm trying to get up, they're knocking me down
Chewing me up, spitting me out
Hey, hey, hey
When I need to be saved
You're making me strong, you're making me stand
Never will fall, never will end

I have seen Skillet live - they are passionate, talented, and deliver a gut-punch about faith. In a raw, visceral way that gets down into the beating of my very soul. I feel them thru the soles of my feet.

Their message is universal - love is the answer. In all things, in all ways - trust in God and his love will carry you thru the darkest moments, the most trying times.