On The Right

I bless the LORD who counsels me;

even in the night my heart exhorts me.

I set the LORD ever before me;

with him at my right hand I shall not be disturbed.

-psalm 16:8*

God at my right hand.

Feels a little - ego-centric - doesn't it? The Lord before me - YES! The Lord at my right hand?

Shouldn't that be the other way around? Me at HIS right hand, at HIS service, at HIS beck & call. HIS handmaiden. Reliable, trustworthy, dependable.

As is my habit when presented with such a Biblical conundrum - I went down the rabbit-hole in search of a deeper interpretation. Something to help me understand King David's mindset when writing about God being his right hand.

There is a premise suggested that Psalm 16 is a "miktam" of David. A literal song. And his first verse is:

Keep me safe, O God, for in you I take refuge.

A song dedicated to God and the plea for God's security in life. How apropos. My present life is consumed with the need to feel "safe". For so many reasons. This bold reminder that God keeps me safe, always, is one I didn't see coming and is further proof of the workings of the Lord. All I did today is go for the day's readings (see note at the bottom). Picked a verse that I liked and went from there.

Yeah, God isn't moving in my life. No, nothing like that. /sarcasm

My research** suggests that having "God at my right hand" is a place of honor and importance. And from my human point of view - it is arrogant to believe God should want to be at my right hand. Doesn't he have more important things to do?

But then I remove myself from the equation (as we should do) and realize that God wants to be in this priority position in my life. 

Because that is where he belongs. The first, last, and always in our lives. The Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End (Revelation 22:13). The only thing that is a constant - unshakeable, unconditional love for us. For our safety. For our protection. For our salvation.

Do we see God the way King David did? As our refuge, our guide, the ultimate honor for us to have God as our right hand? By our side, guiding us, having everything in His control? 

For 2026 this is my singular prayer all day, every day: to trust that God has my back. 

*this is part of the daily readings for Saturday April 18, 2026 per the Roman Catholic Missal.

**My primary resource for my rabbit-hole wanderings is a magnificent tome - "New Collegeville Bible Commentary" by Daniel Durken. (Wow - this book wasn't inexpensive when I purchased it about 7 years ago; it is now twice the price I paid, at $125!). This book has been a fantastic way to get more meaning from the Bible. It is more than a deep dive into every single verse in every Book.

Once More

Hello friends. It's been a full year since I posted in this space. SO much has happened. As I alluded in my last post of April 6, 2025 - there was tons going on and not much of it good.

My darling, beloved hubby was diagnosed with cancer in March 2025. The world's rarest cancer - 
Sarcoma. They represent just 1% of all cancers diagnosed each year. And to add to the rarity, Sarcomas have 50 sub-types. 50. Five. Zero. Jim's specific cancer was a Liposarcoma - a fat cell run amuk. Talk about vanishingly rare.

And to make it just that much more traumatic - in a location that 8 Chief Oncologists in 4 different hospitals - had never seen before.

Yeah, we skipped to the head of the line and only saw "Chiefs" during this journey. From a well-respected hospital in Hartford, CT to the world renowned Dana-Farber Cancer Institute to the also world-renowned MA General Hospital. Oh yeah, and I can't forget the world famous Smilow Cancer Institute at Yale New Haven Hospital.

So the very happy news is - he is fine. So far so good, no recurrence and no spread. He will be screened every 3 months for the next 5 years, then every 6 months for another 10 years, then annually for the rest of his life.

Talk about the wake-up call no one wants. And pretty much the ultimate test of our faith. Hubby leaned into that pretty quickly. Surrendered it all to God in an act of breathtaking faith and trust. He stills feels that way, one year later. God had him in His hands and all would be well.

The testing of my faith - continues right to this moment. My ability to trust is nearly non-existent. A childhood filled with abuse and an adulthood marred by ongoing manipulations...will do that to a person.

I am the kind of person who doesn't just have a Plan A - I also have a B, C, and D (at least) for everything. I must anticipate all possible outcomes so I can be prepared.

Except nothing prepares you for when your beloved spouse's life is threatened. No matter how many plans I made, no matter how much work I did to ensure all appointments, tests, etc...were accounted for and solidly set-up, confirmed, and communicated - it was never enough to rid me of my fear.

That I would lose him to cancer. 

Yet despite all my best efforts to plan - every single corner had "other plans" waiting for me. More tests, massive radiation treatment plans, and a surgery that would result in a permanent physical deficit for him.

And again, he showed me what real faith looks like. He never once complained. Oh he cried a bit here and there. He got extremely frustrated with himself. Yet his faith in God's plans for him never wavered. There was no wobble. Just his steadfast belief that God had everything in control.

Me? Not so much.

I prayed all day every day for hubby's safety thru all this. For the surgical outcome to be the best it could be given the circumstances. I had faith enough to pray to God.

I didn't believe though. Didn't believe that he would take hubby thru it and out the other side - if not whole then whole-enough. Safe & healthy.

And here we are - 13 months post-diagnosis, 8 months post-radiation, 7 months post-op - and hubby is thriving. Adjusting to his "new normal". Living his life. His new-found life.

{This new life is FAR better than the first option presented by Dana Farber. The tumor was on the largest muscle in your body - the one that controls your ability to lift your leg from the hip and allow you to raise & bend that leg from the knee. The muscle was so compromised by the tumor that it could not be saved. Full removal was the only option. With the critical nerves involved, Dana Farber advocated full amputation of his leg, at the hip. They even used the words "dire situation" to describe it. (Even a year after that appointment, we are not over the trauma it caused.) Ironically, they recommended a 2nd opinion from MA General Hospital; they doubled-down on their recommendation by saying we needed to "hear it from someone else". We pursued that 2nd opinion and found a masterful surgeon, physician, and human being at MA General. He was stunned at the Dana Farber plan and assured us it would not be necessary. Thanks be to God (yeah, more irony for me) he was right. With a couple of physical limitations, hubby kept his leg and it functions pretty well. As the surgeon said:  You'll walk - it won't be pretty but it will be on your own 2 legs.}

Me? I remain a work in progress. I still pray everyday but it's changed a bit - for God's mercy to heal me, to help me accept that God is in control. And that no matter what happens, God still wants the best for us.

A friend recently said this: Sometimes I think there are 2 options for Purgatory - the one we all know about - you die and go to Purgatory to be purified. The other - you go thru Purgatory in your lifetime and don't face it after your death.

I rather like that POV.

P.S. I shall be starting up blogging again. :-)