Abundance

"Happiness can be found in the darkest of places. All you need to do is turn on the light." 

-Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry

Sunrise from the summit of Mt. Washington, NH

Who knew that peace could be found in words from the legendary Harry Potter ( and from my personal favorite in the series, Prisoner of Azbakan).

Last night, just before Mass began, God turned a light on me and within me in a moment of pure poetry.

With the late afternoon sun beginning to set behind me, God shone a light thru the stained glass windows in the front of the church.

A direction from which no light should shine at that time of night. And yet there it was - a beautiful stream of angelic white light.

And a word whispered into my ear - so faint I had to ask for a repeat - "abundance".

Abundance.

In the midst of years of struggles, emotional pain, betrayals, and general life messiness - this single word has transformed me.

It will need time to settle on me fully -  yet in those 3 simple syllables I find myself turning towards that light. Instead of shunning it - I embrace it.

Hubby and I are starting to plan our graceful exit from the challenges of corporate america. Three short years and we will, with God's will, move onto the next phase of our lives.

It is not missed by me that this message from God serves as a reminder of all that has passed - and all that is yet to be.

While I have had a life marked by abuse until my 20s, then health struggles through my 30s & 40s, then the emotional upheaval in my 50s that is tied directly to the abuses of my past.

And here I am, 61 years old, and finally - FINALLY - I have reached that moment when "abundance" defines the happiness and blessings in my life.

Just a few short years ago it could have defined the abundant horrors & nightmares.

Now ... I feel like it's the right time for me to embrace God's message and really focus on the manifest blessings - and only those.

And because it's Sunday you get a twofer - my Sunday Symphony below was the Presentation of the Gifts song at Mass last night.

I fall on my knees to the father of Jesus,
The Lord who has shown us the glory of God.

May he in his love give us strength for our living
The strength of his spirit the glory of God.

May Christ find a dwelling place of faith in our hearts.
May our lives be rooted in love, rooted in love.

Rooted in love - indeed.

Rooted in abundance & blessings.

Sunday Symphony

You alone are God
I am Yours and You're mine
And I know the Heavens will call out Your name
If I don't

I close my eyes and I drift away
To a place I remember, to a place I feel safe

Where it's alright and it's okay
'Coz I'm there in Your arms
Where it's alright and it's okay
'Coz I'm there in Your arms

A long-ago favorite. Resurfaced in my playlist this past week and it just - hit me, in all the feels. Things I've been talking about recently. Feeling safe in only a couple of places. Wanting to be closer to God yet resisting at the same time.

Knowing that God loves me no matter what. 

And the songwriters have it - it's alright in God's arms. Everything is alright when you are in God's arms.

Amen.

Scars

My heart.

Battered. Scarred. Broken so many times I've lost count.

And I am still here.

Cuz as the great Plumb says - I know whose I am. And I turn to him as much as I can, and need to do more. For our solace, our strength, our salvation is only found in him.

Oh, the God who made the stars
Is the God that made your heart
And He's holding you right now
He can heal the broken parts
And make beauty from the scars, the scars
Beautiful scars!

Our scars tell our stories for us. But they are not who we are. They are signs of our struggles, our battles, and our recoveries. 

Because those scars did not kill us. They propelled us forward to healing and the light of God.

Amen, sweet Plumb. Amen beautiful God.

(Plumb is one of my favorite singers of any genre; that she turns that beautiful voice to Christian music is the abundant icing on the delicious cake.)

Sunday Symphony

Music, as I've said many times, is a necessary thing to me. Like the air we breathe, music gives me life. It can bring clarity to the fog of a day, can make me cry big tears of joy or deep tears of sadness.

It plucks the heartstrings of my very soul.

Paul Winter Consort - "Sun Singer" 1983

This may be an oldie yet to me it's still quite a goodie. We have a Pandora streaming station called "Paul Winter". We play it every Sunday morning. While sipping a second cup of coffee it puts wind beneath my spirit.

Music - any kind really - is a gift from God. The notes, the melody, harmony, sometimes even the dissonance - is a prayer. 

Because the music beneath the notes really is a song of the Holy Spirit. To me it is a call to pray, to meditate, to sing.

The great Saint Augustine once said: singing is praying twice. Ephesians 5:19 says, 

"Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and singing spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart."

There are days I need much more than the gentleness of Paul Winter. I need the thrum of a drum and the scream of a blistering guitar.  

No matter what kind of music I tune to, I feel the Holy Spirit deep within me. Connecting me to prayer and God in a way that, in my life, nothing else can.

Sunday Symphony

Shakespeare told us in Twelfth Night: 

If music be the food of love, play on;
Give me excess of it, that surfeiting,
The appetite may sicken, and so die.

Music is life to me. I've always got some tune or other playing on some device in the house. While silence is its own meditation, to me music gives me the space to breathe, to allow the world to resonate, giving me time & energy to take it all in. It soothes me, makes me think, or takes me away to distant memories. Thy Will Be done by Hillary Scott & Family - been listening to this song since it was first released 7 years ago. And it always makes me stop whatever I'm doing - and listen to the words. The soaring melody. The desperation of someone trying to make sense of the world around them, where they exist in moments that take their breath away in shock & pain. It's hard to count it all joy Distracted by the noise Just trying to make sense Of all your promises Sometimes I gotta stop Remember that you're God And I am not This song got me thru some rough times. Those moments when I think I'm totally alone, that no one sees or hears me, that everything is up to me and I can't stand up under the weight of the burdens I carry. ===> I carry. Ego - makes us think we can do it all, have it all, handle it all. We all come into the world with that annoying item fully intact. Ego. And it leads us down paths and into situations we don't need to participate in. But our ego - our free will - doesn't let go easily. And we need to let go. The desperation I hear in Thy Will Be Done is from someone who needs to let go - and can't find their way to do it. And yet, when they finally do let go... Thy will be done Like a child on my knees all that comes to me is Thy will be done I've been there. We all have. Those moments when we feel like our heart might break into a million pieces, or our very soul might shatter at the next noise or breath, or our bodies are going to collapse under the weight of what we believe we carry alone. If only we could just - turn around and see behind us: I know you see me I know you hear me, Lord God is there. Always. In our darkest moments - when we feel we are being torn apart - he is there. Just waiting for us to turn around.  It's even in the Bible... The Lord looks from heaven; He sees all the sons of men. From the place of His dwelling, He looks on all the inhabitants of the earth; He fashions their hearts individually; He considers all their works Bible verse from Bible Gateway.

Echoes

With the celebration of Christ's birth just one week away, I wanted to focus this week on Holy Mary's courageous "yes" to the Angel Gabriel. I know, I'm about 9 months late for this but as we have spent the last 4 weeks focusing on the coming birth of Jesus Christ, I thought a throwback to the origins of our Savior would be appropriate.

The first prophecy of The Messiah can be found as far back as Genesis, and throughout Old Testament Prophets like Nathan, Daniel, Isaiah, and Ezekiel. Through the Gospels in the New Testament. This miraculous coming is foretold so many times.

The how of it all is not revealed until the Angel Gabriel appears to a young, unassuming woman named Mary (The Gospel of Luke 1:26-38).

God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a city in Galilee. The angel went to a virgin promised in marriage to a descendant of David named Joseph. The virgin’s name was Mary. 

When the angel entered her home, he greeted her and said, “You are favored by the Lord! The Lord is with you.” 

She was startled by what the angel said and tried to figure out what this greeting meant.
The angel told her, “Don’t be afraid, Mary. You have found favor  with God.
 You will become pregnant, give birth to a son, and name him Jesus. He will be a great man and will be called the Son of the Most High The Lord God will give him the throne of his ancestor David. Your son will be king of Jacob’s people forever, and his kingdom will never end.”

Mary asked the angel, “How can this be? I’m a virgin.”

The angel answered her, “The Holy Spirit will come to you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. Therefore, the holy child developing inside you will be called the Son of God.

Imagine it. You are a (roughly) 17 year old girl from a humble background, engaged to the man you love, and an angel tells you that you are pregnant. And not just pregnant, but with the savior of mankind.

All of this makes Mary's yes so remarkable. As a human being she had every right to say "Thank you but no thank you." As a faithful Jew however, having heard all the prophecies of the coming of the Messiah, her yes was necessary.

In fact, her yes was foretold as often as the coming of The Messiah himself. It's a "built in" element of the stories. 

All of which brings me to this glorious piece of music - Gabriel's Oboe by Ennio Morricone, composed for the 1986 film "The Mission". 

One of the most famous songs in all of Morricone's film scores, Gabriel's Oboe is a device used for a missionary to call to, and convert, a jungle tribe.

It's long been a favorite piece of music. It's haunting melodies get under my skin and bring me to tears.

This year it appeared in a Pandora station of instrumental holiday music. I didn't think it really belonged there...yet it felt so right. I listened intently and heard the message God was sending to me.

Gabriel ... The Angel Gabriel ... The message to Mary.

Listen to those first notes from the oboe. Feminine, lyrical, soothing. The presence of an angel. 

Then it builds, the higher notes expressing something that brings you to the heart. Mary's response. 

Then the notes creep still higher as the heavens rejoice.

The melody repeats once again. Angelic encouragement. A demure yes. Rejoicing.

More rejoicing.

Then the strings take over to amplify the echoes of the heavens as the coming of the Messiah is physically assured.

I've heard this song hundreds of times. Always as the theme song from "The Mission".

Now I don't believe I will hear it as anything but the clarion call of God announcing the coming of his Son, Jesus Christ.