Calling

I read something on an Instagram page I follow that has wormed its way into my psyche and I can't shake it:

Remember: God is using all your experiences, both good and bad, to develop your character to match your calling. -lysa terkeurst

The author of the quote is a well-known Christian non-fiction writer and also president of the Proverbs 31 Ministries. I confess that until now I had never heard of Ms. TerKeurst and her work. I am going to change that immediately.

And those last two words are stuck in my mind like a briar:

"...your calling."

What is that? How does that apply to me? What does this mean if I don't have the answers?

The standard, non-religious, meaning for a Calling is:

A calling is a strong inclination to do something that you feel uniquely qualified for and enjoy passionately. It can be your job, a hobby, raising a family, charity work, or a way of relating to and helping others. Callings can look different for everyone.

I've never felt this way about anything. There are things I enjoy - hobbies mostly - but have never seen them as a calling.

Am I the outlier on this? Do others have a calling of some sorts...and if they do when do they discover it? Commit to it? 

I certainly know plenty of people who have a calling - teachers, priests, deacons, nuns, law enforcement, the rescue work done by firefighters and EMTs, healers like doctors & nurses. 

I know I've never had dreams to do anything in particular. I've kind of stumbled along in my life, made things up as I go along. I also flit from one interest to another and back again. I don't stay with one thing for too long. Even my photography - arguably the one secular passion I have - comes and goes with the winds.

I titled this image: Facing the World

My faith is one area that I remain committed & devoted to. I am a passionate Lector at our Parish. And it is one of the greatest honors as a lay person to serve Communion from time to time.

But a calling? I've never prayed about it. Never even considered it. I've spent most of my life - from early childhood until the last 5 years or so (that's roughly 50 years) just - surviving. Being in fight-or-flight for that long is hard to step away from. I'm doing the work on that and I can feel it starting to subside just a little. 

Perhaps with more prayer & meditation, I can find if I do have a calling.

Perhaps - it's just for me to have survived a brutal childhood and early adulthood, to survive the aftermath, to survive the many small breakdowns that have occurred in the past 5 years or so.

Maybe all that God's wants for me to do is - survive. And thrive.

Perhaps that is calling enough.