Saturday Symphony

This post is a little difficult for me.  Yet it's been brewing within me for weeks now and it's time it saw the light of day. 

I grew up in a fundamental Christian faith.  If you knew the name and looked it up you would find it in a top 10 list of cults.  And that's not far from the truth.  One of those branches of Christianity who claim all the promises of Jesus' resurrection - for themselves.  They had then, and still do have, an unhealthy obsession with the Catholic Church.  They see anyone in that group as lost, fallen, beyond salvation unless there is a conversion to, you guessed, it - their branch of Christianity.  To them, everything that has ever gone wrong in the world is the fault of the Catholic Church.  If you aren't a believer with them, then you are dead.  Just - dead.

Sadly, I have family still in this faith and I am, in every real way, dead to them. 

For many reasons, chief among them their exclusionary practices, I left that faith over 25 years ago. Eleven years ago God began calling to me (or rather - he'd been calling the entire time and I only started listening at that moment...) to return to his love, to receive his grace, and to be saved from the spiritual desert in which I had wandered for far too long.

And so the search began - and ended, in all places, in a loving, accepting faith community in -  Catholicism.

No one could have been more surprised than I.  With my faith background it wasn't an easy conversion.  And yet I have no regrets; I've never looked back.

But some things from that childhood church-going remain.  Like my favorite hymn.  You won't find this particular arrangement in many places.  In fact the Episcopalians have the most common arrangement known as "Kingfold".

This - is what I sang growing up.  And it still moves my heart & soul as much as it did 40+ years ago.

The 3rd, and final verse, says all that needs to be said:

I heard the voice of Jesus say,
‘I am this dark world’s light;
look unto me, thy morn shall rise,
and all thy day be bright.’
I looked to Jesus, and I found
in him my star, my sun;
and in that light of life I’ll walk
till trav’lling days are done

In these dark times - sometimes I wonder if the days have ever been anything BUT dark - these words by Horatius Boner bring me such comfort.

For the past 10 years I have been dreaming of becoming a Cantor at our church.  In March 2020 I was nearly at the point where an audition was to be scheduled.  Then - COVID.  And now, a year later I retain that dream and plan to audition before this year is out.  My charge is to prepare 2 songs.  One of our parish's songs and then one I might sing during Communion. My plan is to use I Heard The Voice Of Jesus Say as my audition song for Communion.

I know it by heart.  It is my heart.