Duality

We've all had days like this.

At the end of such a day we feel - split in half. Maybe more than once. Pulled in different, polarizing directions all day long. Until we feel elastic and like we'll never spring back to normal again.

How do we reconcile ourselves when we feel this way? How do we gather ourselves back to center, to the heart of ourselves.

Well, first we have to set boundaries with the people we interact with. We can't allow them to take chunks out of us like some demonic plague of locusts.

Hyperbolic - perhaps. But the visual is undeniable.

As a life-long people-pleaser I know only too well what it's like to exist - sometimes just barely - when we don't set boundaries that are healthy for us. Because as a people-pleaser we know nothing about the self; everything is for everyone else. Never for us.

The saying about putting on the oxygen mask first comes to mind. It's a little cliche yet it rings so true for us "p-p" types.

Saying no is the first valid thing to do. Push back gently at first. Then more firmly if the boundary is rejected (and trust me, 75% of the time it will be). Become forceful if necessary but stand by the boundary.

Because you matter. It is OK to allow ourselves to come first.

Because God loved you before anyone else knew you. And if our Maker loves us then surely we must direct some of our energies to love ourselves.

There are a couple of Bible verses that illustrate this far more eloquently than I could:

John 3:16
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

1 John 4:9-10
In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

Since God loves us enough to become human and be crucified to save us - then I believe we owe it to God to love ourselves enough to get thru a day without feeling torn apart by others.

To be - fierce, strong, and courageous yet still being kind.  That kind of duality is sustainable, with God's love.