The Awful Grace of God

He who learns must suffer.

And even in our sleep

pain that cannot forget

falls drop by drop upon the heart,

and in our own despair,

against our will,

comes wisdom to us

by the awful grace of God*.

- Aeschylus

Suffering.

Possibly one of the greatest debates against the existence of a loving God. How could a God who loves us allow us to suffer? How can He allow us to have free will so we can hurt each other?

Aeschylus is suggested to be the first to write about tragedies - Greek tragedies to be precise. Not much survives of his writings and those all focus on a particular kind of suffering...war, death, and grief. And all the stopping points before, in-between, and after.

Which pretty much covers the gamut of the human experience. Bringing us to a question - if Aeschylus is correct, must we suffer in order to learn?

What is to be learned by betrayal, death, violence, abuse, and so on...?

From the human perspective...perhaps we close our hearts & minds to the outside world so we may navigate our emotional state in the midst of our suffering. We rant, scream, cry, get angry, etc...and what does it yield us? Crying is perhaps the only thing that, in the immediate aftermath, leaves us feeling at least somewhat sated and calm.

Until the next wave crashes over us. And the cycle begins again. The seemingly endless circle of sadness, anger, sadness, anger. Eventually we may exhaust ourselves - and our suffering - but at great cost to ourselves. 

From God's perspective...come to me my child, and I will give you rest & solace. Draw closer to me my beloved and enter into a state of grace.

God's perspective sounds so much simpler than the human one, doesn't it? 

Yet as humans how many times do we take that long walk down that spiral of emotions rather than place them at the foot of The Cross, at the feet of God himself?

I know my answer is - hardly ever. I have to be falling apart at the seams, barely able to stand, my heart crying louder than my own voice - for me to even think of approaching the Throne of Grace for comfort.

And yet, when I do, in those moments the purity of God's love for me is palpable, like a hummingbird hovering right next to my ear. The air around me literally vibrates from the pulsing of God's love settling on me. And in that moment of blisteringly white peace...I swear God's breathing becomes my breathing.

He lays me down on a fluffy pillow of faith and stays with me until my heart is calm, my mind is clear.

The only thing that remains - is God. 

*IMO, Aeschylus isn't referring to God's grace as awful - a negative thing - but rather overwhelming one's self in the presence of God. 

I credit another dear friend for the poem from Aeschylus, which inspired this post.