Tears & Suffering

 

if all you have are tears to cry

the Lord keeps track of all your sorrow

psalm 56:8

Life - moves fast and not always politely. There are days - weeks even - when I feel like I've been run over, repeatedly. Despite all my efforts at setting boundaries with people I still end up worn out in every possible way.

These past few weeks have been such a time and this past week was intensified. It was just - a slog. 

All I wanted to do when I got home from work yesterday was curl up under the covers and cry my heart out. I could feel the dammed up tears threatening to overtop my control all day long.

So home I went - and literally crawled into bed, under the lovely covers, thinking I'd give over to the tears and let the dam break.

It didn't.

Because I prayed for solace, for comfort. I prayed most fervently for relief from the weight of it all. 

And as ever - God was there in the silence, holding my hand and drying my tears before I shed them.

He does that - all day long. And in those times when our tears do overtop us, it's only because we didn't ask God to help in that moment.

I know - the question surely follows - but if he is there all the time why doesn't he always help us to not cry?

And I ask that question myself all the time. There is no easy answer - it is the age-old question of why a munificent God would allow us to suffer at all.

The short answer is - because in those moments God wants us to call out to him, to turn to him, to be drawn into his embrace, and stay there.

The long answer is - I don't have one. It is the oldest & hardest question of faith. 

I think back to my previous writing about spiritual warfare and the presence of satan. For the evil one is always there just waiting - crouched in the shadows - to distract us away from what we know is right.

God - is right. Praying to God - is right. Repentance - is right.

Satan - is wrong. Satan - is never the answer to anything.

So here we are in another spiritual fight. Turning to God - while tears threaten and solace seems unreachable - is the only way to gain these things.

Grace

grace = courteous goodwill

courteous = polite, respectful, or considerate in manner

goodwill = friendly, helpful, or cooperative feelings or attitude

Do we give grace to the people around us? Are we all the things listed above? Maybe not every single day but - some of them?

Are we understanding when a friend lashes out? Do we give a nanosecond's thought to what is happening in their life, that they would react that way? Or do we just stalk off, harumphing and generally thinking ill of the person.

God's grace is defined as God's unmerited kindness, favor, and mercy. It is a free gift from God; definitely an undeserved one.

Do you know that God's grace is given before we even ask for it? He sees our hearts, he knows our minds, and he certainly knows what we need before we are even aware of some kind of need at all. Or as St. Paul tells us in a few verses prior to the one quoted above:

Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account. Hebrews 4:13

Grace - is given. It can't be earned - not even by the friend or co-worker who annoys us. It is in our gift to give it to them at our own volition.

God's grace can't be earned either. Yet we know that it is already awarded to us - the ultimate reward in life.

In this Lenten season, let us remember we have the ability to give grace to those who offend or annoy or even hurt us. Because no matter how far we wander, no matter how lost we are in our lives, God's grace is there - all we have to do is ask.

God's Child

 Remember whose you are.

These words, as written, are not seen in the Bible. They are an interpretation of the Gospel of John 1:12:

But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God.

For that is what we are - children of God.

There are times when I forget this; I'm sure we all do. We think of ourselves in purely layman's terms - the child of so and so. And sure, we are of their bodies.

But we are not of their bodies as well.

We are of God - his spirit gave us life, his creation gave us life. The very air we breathe comes from God.

It is a challenge for our human egos to give over to the suggestion that we belong to someone other than ourselves. Or that we belong to anyone or anything at all.

We are taught from a young age to be independent. In today's world we are further taught to call our own shots, to be nothing to anyone but ourselves. To turn to anyone other than ourselves is considered a failure.

Yet we must remember that we belong to God. In the end...and I mean the very end, when all that we are comes to its final fruition...God greats us. 

As his child. Whom he has loved before we knew ourselves.

Remember whose you are. Because God does.

Doubt

New month.

Same concerns.

I try - I really do - to give my burdens and anxieties over to God. He has big shoulders and while I know I am unworthy, he will take them for me whenever I ask.

The trouble is - I ask, then I take it all back. I sneak to the foot of the Cross and claw-back the baggage I left there the last time I sought the solace of God.

6,500 year old volcanic crater lake, Iceland

Doubt

a feeling of uncertainty or lack of conviction.

Oh boy do I have these.  I doubt myself on a daily basis - multiple times a day sometimes. Whether it's work, or home, or faith, or family...and I know I'm not alone in my doubts.

They are a plague upon us, truly. At least they are to me.

I have very little sense of self-worth so doubting myself is, in some ways, as natural as breathing. I don't know to do it elsewise.

Yet God gives us a clear pathway to erase our doubts - the simplicity of prayer. 

No great oration is required to pray to God. Just a humble spirit (...just, she says...) and the desire to be heard.

Because God is there listening all the time. He wants us to come to him. In fact I believe he will take us anyway he can get us. 

• Too prideful - we are forgiven
• Puffed up with vanity - we are forgiven
• No patience - we are forgiven

The list could go on and on. And the point is - before we ask for anything, God is already there. He already knows our hearts & minds.

All he wants from us is the simplicity of a prayer - Dear God, I'm here and I need you. 

He will take care of the rest.